Episode Guide > Series Five Episode Eleven
(5.11) The Confusion Of The Generals
First broadcast Saturday November 12th 1988 on BBC One
Episode length: 25 minutes approx
Written by Jeremy Lloyd and David Croft
Rene is in the clear - Gruber informs Von Klinkerhoffen
that it was the collaborating French General who blew
up Flick and is suspected of trying to poison the other
Generals. Michelle tells Yvette she is faking her love for
Rene so he will remain in the Resistance. Meanwhile
German generals and British airmen get mixed up
during an air raid and Plan B goes awry...
Rene rushes down the stairs with his hat and coat
in hand and liberates some money from the till...
Gorden Kaye (Rene Artois)
Carmen Silvera (Edith)
Vicki Michelle (Yvette)
Guy Siner (Lieutenant Gruber)
Kim Hartman (Private Helga Geerhart)*
Richard Gibson (Herr Flick)
John Louis Mansi (Von Smallhausen)
Sue Hodge (Mimi)
Gavin Richards (Captain Alberto Bertorelli)
Richard Marner (Colonel Von Strohm)
Hilary Minster (General Von Klinkerhoffen)
Kirsten Cooke (Michelle of the Resistance)
Jack Haig (Leclerc)
Arthur Bostrom (Officer Crabtree)
Rose Hill (Madame Fanny)
John D. Collins (Fairfax)
Nicholas Frankau (Carstairs)
Ken Morley (General Von Flockenstuffen)
Fred Bryant (German General)
Also starring Patrick Edwards (German Guard).
*credited fifth despite actually being the seventh cast
member to make an on-screen appearance
The cafe, the cafe exterior, Herr Flick's headquarters,
the Colonel's office, the back room and the town square
(at night).
- This episode is also known as The British Invasion. Which is a rubbish title, frankly.
- It is Tuesday afternoon in Nouvion and only thirty minutes since the explosive conclusion to the previous episode,
when Herr Flick got in the way of Rene's exploding nose. Edith and Yvette have given the unconscious General
Aznavour his uniform back. Rene has changed and is about to leg it for the border, but before he can get away
Lieutenant Gruber arrives to inform him that General Von Klinkerhoffen now suspects the French general
instead of the cafe owner. Rene is in the clear!
- Yvette mentions there is a first aid post in the town hall. We've never been there, but we're sure it's lovely.
- Gruber's camera-shy driver Clarence is waiting off-screen in the little tank.
- Poor Herr Flick, he was "very blown up" according to Gruber. The Colonel, not being fond of the secret police
officer, took him to the vets for medical treatment, before returning him to Gestapo headquarters. Von
Klinkerhoffen meanwhile is most pleased to hear he has many bandages. Flick's head and right arm are
bandaged and his left leg is in plaster. Von Smallhausen tells Helga he tried to persuade Flick to go to
hospital but he said he would "rather have a bunk up in the cellar". Richard Gibson is on screen for just
one minute during this episode, whilst John Louis Mansi clocks up less than thirty seconds.
- With the Germans searching for the paralysed Aznavour,
Edith decides to put him in front of the cafe and "snitch"
on him. Edith hopes she'll get a medal for it, but Rene
points out that she would become a collaborator
just like the Vichy general. Captain Bertorelli arrives
and soon discovers he is dead.
- The Colonel's at it again - he has been liberating more
items of interest from Nouvion. This time it's a set of
priceless drinking glasses dating back to the long-
reigning King of France Louis XIV (1638-1715) taken
from the local museum. The Colonel intends them
as a present to his wife to mark their 25th
anniversary. She never recieves them though, as
Von Klinkerhoffen and Helga decide to smash two
of them into the fireplace during a toast to the invasion
and conquest of England, due to take place on the
14th at 4.00am. Gruber and Von Strohm reluctantly
do the same. Such a tragic waste!
- Von Klinkerhoffen is in a good mood for once, having been informed that General Aznavour has been arrested
and taken to Berlin for interrogation (we never see him again, presumably he is kept as a prisoner of war) .
Rene made the phone call to the Germans (despite Edith saying she would during the previous scene) , so he
is in line for a first class "Sneaky Collaborators" medal.
- There were plans afoot for another meeting of the Generals, but Von Klinkerhoffen has heard news that "the
Resistance may be planning a blowing up". He then devises the following plan: 1) round up some French
peasants, 2) disguise them as German generals and 3) put them in a tent in the middle of the town square.
"If the Resistance decide to blow them up, then so be it." Meanwhile the real Germans generals will take
the disguises of French peasants and plan the real invasion in the safety of Cafe Rene.
- Von Klinkerhoffen suggests the peasants disguised as generals should be given maps, little model boats,
little toy tanks and an adequate quantity of jelly babies to represent the invasion forces. For those who
don't know - and you should - Jelly Babies are a type of tasty soft confectionary that look like little babies,
and come in a variety of colours. They are very popular in the UK, originally having been launched by
Bassett's in 1919 as "Peace Babies" to mark the end of the First World War. Production was actually
suspended during World War II due to wartime shortages and they were subsequently relaunched as
"Jelly Babies" in 1953.
- BLOOPER! Which begs the question - how did the Germans get hold of them during the war, and secondly,
why does Von Klinkerhoffen call them Jelly Babies when they weren't sold under that name until eight
years after the end of the war?
- Yvette compares being with Rene to watching a fantastic movie with Boris Karloff. Whether she means sitting
in the cinema with Boris or watching him act on the screen, we do not know. BorIs Karloff (1887-1969, born
William Henry Pratt) was an English actor best known for his legendary roles in horror films such as the
definitive film adaptation of Mary Shelley's Frankenstien (1931) in which he played The Monster.
- The German generals gather in the Colonel's office wearing their rather stereotypical French peasant
disguises consisting of berets, red neck ties and onions, before making their way to Cafe Rene. Von
Klinkerhoffen, Von Strohm and Gruber remain in their regular uniforms because the disguises were not
fumigated. The generals arrive to find the group of disguised British airmen already there (see Where Are The
Airmen?) and everything starts to go wrong - the Germans think the British airmen are other German generals
and the airmen think the Germans are their fellow officers! Eek! Fairfax and Carstairs greet General Von
Flockenstuffen and a colleague by saying "we'll soon be in England!". The Germans do not suspect anything
from this, and as the airmen speak English, the Germans assume that they are to practice their English at the
meeting.
- The airmen and the generals talk a little, whilst Crabtree recognises the two German generals from the meeting
that took place during episode 5.9 and informs Rene and Edith. The next moment, the Resistance's air raid
starts! Anti-aircraft gunfire is heard as the inhabitants of Nouvion take cover. Colonel Von Strohm and Gruber
rush to Cafe Rene and orders everybody to the shelters. The German generals run out with the British airmen
as Mimi pulls up in the fish truck. Since it is dark and visibility is low, Mimi ends up ordering the German
generals into the fish truck! Fairfax and Carstairs do not manage to get onto the truck, since it is full to capacity,
and return to the cafe. Meanwhile Von Klinkerhoffen, Gruber and Von Strohm attempt to avoid the shrapnel
whizzing in the air and head for shelter.
- Once the fish truck departs, the French peasants in the tent in the square - all dressed as German generals -
head into the cafe, led by Leclerc. Michelle appears to congratulate everyone, before discovering a large number
of real German generals have been sent to the coast on the fish truck. Edith hypothesises that the British
submarine crew will capture them, make them prisoner and the war will be won. Hmmm.....
- Question - Leclerc and Fanny went out for a stroll, before being arrested and forced into the tent. Leclerc
arrives back at the cafe in full German uniform along with the rest of the peasants, having left the tent because
it is too dangerous to remain there. So where is Madame Fanny???
- During the air raid, Rene turns to camera and complains: "If the Germans do not shoot me for this, the
Resistance will!". Rene rarely talked directly to the viewer after the initial monologue at the start of the episode.
- According to the unnamed speaking German general, the inital force attacking England will consist of 5,000
soldiers.
Oh dear. Another group of British airmen who have been shot down are on their way. Rene is not pleased. "Do not tell
me they will be disguised as onion sellers!" - this is a direct reference to the events of the pilot episode, broadcast almost
seven years previous to this episode.
Michelle has a plan to finally get rid of the airmen. "Under the cover of an air raid, a fish truck will draw up outside the
cafe. The airmen will run out and hide in it and be driven to the coast. From there, a lobster boat will take them to
a
secret rendezvous with a submarine." Fairfax and Carstairs arrive at the cafe, dressed as onion sellers just as they
were in the pilot episode.
Fairfax and Carstairs are soon joined by another six airmen! 
"Oh my God!" is Rene's predictable reaction. They all seem to
know each other, one of the newcomers is called Squiffy.
They all greet each other rather too enthusiastically and Rene
is forced to ask Crabtree to tell them to keep their voices down
before they are all shot.
For details of the conclusion of the story thread (it's all one
big complicated plot!), see Continuity & Trivia.
Crabtree arrives with a "massage for Ronnie" and
greets Leclerc & Mimi. Total - 22
Bertorelli asks the paralysed Aznavour how he feels
about losing the war, and slaps his back playfully. The
general slumps onto the table. "Mamma mia. What-a 
mistake-a to make-a!"
Total - 8
An urgent message has come through on the radio in Morse
code. The message reads "Beep be be beep be be be beep
beep.." .... well, you get the idea. Michelle translates the code
and reveals Plan B is to be put into operation at once.
"Oh Rene, why have you been ignoring me lately? You have
not noticed me even though I have washed my hair and
undone two buttons of my blouse". Rene thought she'd put
on weight. She tries to cuddle him, but Michelle arrives!
Michelle wants to know what Rene is doing in Yvette's arms, and calls him a "faithless deceiver", having apparently
promised her that his lips would never touch any but those of Michelle during their private clinch during the previous
episode. Yvette is very upset to learn that Rene seems to be in love with somebody else, and threatens she will
kill herself if that is true. Michelle asks Rene him to leave the room. Before Yvette can throw a punch, Michelle
explains that she does not really love him and only pretended in order to make him stay with the Resistance. In reality
he drives her "round the twist". When the British airmen are away and she does not need his help anymore, she will
end their affair and Yvette can have him back.
Later, when Rene refuses to help again, Michelle allows him to cuddle her. The expression on her face is priceless
(see below right.
Dressed very smartly in a grey suit complete with a brown
top hat and cane, Leclerc arrives at the cafe to promenade
Madame Fanny in her wheelchair on the anniversary
of
their first meeting, fifty years ago. "We had a bit of a ding
dong" he explains to Mimi and explains they never married
because of his criminal past.
He later gets to wear the disguise of a German general,
albeit recluctantly.
Bertorelli: (kisses Mimi's hand) You have-a the scent of the
summer flowers. (kisses Yvette's hand) You have-a the
scent of the spring-a morning. (kisses Edith's hand) You
have-a the scent of the garlic. Very romantic. It make my
heart go boom titti-boom titti-boom."
Leclerc: "In those days I had the entree to all the finest
houses in France."
Mimi: "Because you were young and handsome?"
Leclerc: "No. Because I was a burglar."
Crabtree: "Tell Rene that I shall brong the two British earmen
when the rid has started and the bums are falling. Good do
to you." (Crabtree departs)
Mimi: "Did you get ze message?"
Leclerc: "Yes. He wants you to give Rene's fallen bum a
massage."
Mimi: "I think it is in code."
Edith: "See how young he looks! Oh, see him twirl his cane!
See him doff his hat! Oh, see him make a bow!"
(Leclerc groans)
Fanny: "See him struck by rheumatism..."
Crabtree: (in French) "Here are the two earman. They will 
wait here for the bumming by the RAF."
Rene: "You speak English, explain to them what is
happening!"
Crabtree: (in English) "Okay chaps, sit here, lots more
RAF blokes will be joining you"
Fairfax: "Will they be dressed as onion sellers?"
Crabtree: "Well of course!"
Carstairs: "What a lark!"
(Crabtree informs Rene of the bad news)
Crabtree: "Rene! I do not wish to weary you, but I recognise
some of those purple - they are German ginerals!"
Rene: "German ginerals?"
Crabtree: "They are pissing themselves off as posants!"
Script by Jeremy Lloyd and David Croft
Christian Dyall (Costume) 
Ann Rayment (Make-up)
Pauline Seager (Properties Buyer)
Robert Thomas (Visual Effects Designer)
Jim Cook (Technical Co-orindator)
Ken Major (Camera Supervisor)
Chris Wadsworth (Video Tape Editor)
Angela Beveridge (Vision Mixer)
John Gorringe (Assistant Floor Manager)
Penny Thompson (Production Assistant)
Michael McCarthy (Sound Supervisor)
Duncan Brown (Lighting Director)
Nick Jowitt (Production Manager)
David Buckingham (Design)
Directed by Susan Belbin
Produced by David Croft
(c) BBC MCMLXXXVIII
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